i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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