sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
