I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
