Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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