I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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