We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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