3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
