where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
