i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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