I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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