Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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