Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
