how can u be prego again
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
