somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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