I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
