Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
