My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
