I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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