I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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