You're so nebulous sometimes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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