how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
