just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
