Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
