I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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