Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
