Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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