Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
