ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
