Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
