Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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