She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
