im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I chose taco bell over sex...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos