No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle