All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
