Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.