dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
