I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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