dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
