I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
