eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
