My room smells like vodka and shame
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
