Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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