Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
