I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
