from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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