We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
