We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
