I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
