I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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