words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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