he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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