i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
