how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your cock deserves a montage
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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