from now on my penis is your penis
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
