Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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