She's JV to your varsity
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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