This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Enjoy the penises
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
