Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
