Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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