Sry I called you an 8
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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