So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
