Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
