I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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