what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
