Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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