If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We need to rekindle our bromance
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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