I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
