your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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