I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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