so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
