for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
