70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
