Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
either way he was missing a nipple.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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