it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
