Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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